We're almost to the end of the month. I don't know about you, but I needed a reset button for 2017. January was not kind to me starting when I stepped off the plane from my holiday trip in Tejas to ice cold Chicago that put me sick in bed for two weeks. It was bad. Real bad. Like get sent home from work because my boss didn't want me getting anyone sick bad.
On top of being sick I was suffering from trying to deal with a fallout I had with a close friend during my vacation which had not resolved itself like I hoped. Along with the guy I'd invested five months in not being ready to take the steps forward for commitment. It felt like an overhwhelming spin cycle of crap I couldn't manuever. I spent many days literally in bed because I was so sick- which magnified the complex emotions I had because all I could do was sit and think about what was wrong. The one good and bad thing about this time period was that I was honest and articulating how I felt to my close friends...there was no riddle, puzzle, or guessing game. I think I said "I'm not okay. And that's okay," for about three weeks straight.
So what did I do since I was feeling down in the dumps? I shut off my social media and took a break from the world in that sense. I spent my days after work reading, writing, getting back into the gym, visiting friends and going to the movies. This may just sound like every day stuff, nothing special there, but when the last thing I wanted to do was get out of bed-it was alot of effort on my part. Feeling overwhelmed emotionally and then being physically sick was this weird combination that I just couldn't find a direct remedy to, and that was hard.
If we're honest it's still hard. Me and my friend still aren't talking. And the longer time passes the more ambivalent I feel about reconciliation. Me and the guy I spent five months on didn't end on a good note and a month later- I'm still dealing with tying up loose ends with him. I'm still processing that I invested a good chunk of time in someone who wasn't able to commit in the way I needed for our relationship to progress past "talking." However; I can only remain down and out for so long. Those emotions can bother me, but they won't consume me anymore.
I'm focused on my career, my family, my friendships,and planning the next chapter of my life post-grad school. So if January wasn't your month, don't feel bad. It's never too late or too early to start over. There's no deadline for a reset button and no one should judge how you move forward if you're doing it in a healthy way. Here's to February-March, we're halfway through and looking ahead.